Confessions
by halcyonwords
Summary: Meddling Martha and overheard confessions. Post 47 seconds AU. One shot.


**A prompt taken from tumblr: in 47 seconds after rick talks to martha about kate not feeling the same way martha goes to talk to kate and castle overhears kate telling martha that she loves castle.**

* * *

He's been so distant lately, ever since the bombing case, and Kate can't quite pin point why exactly. She doesn't know what changed between them, but clearly something has. The tension before had been so light and airy – nothing but lingering touches, glances that lasted a little too long, and flirty smiles that filled her heart with so much joy.

But now the tension between them was thicker than it'd ever been. There were no lingering touches; in fact, he kept as far away from her as possible. Even shifted his chair slightly further from her desk. He barely even looked at her, and whenever he did there only seemed to be so much bitter laced behind them – she doesn't know what she's done wrong. What she could've possibly done to steer them off the track they'd been on.

She was so close to being in the place she wanted to be. The place where she wasn't so distraught and broken from not only her mother's case, but the shooting. She'd been working so hard with Dr. Burke to get to a better place – to be able to recall that day without her blood running cold and her mouth going dry. Castle deserved her wholeheartedly, not one foot in and one foot out. She wanted to be everything he deserved, give him everything he deserved, and she knew she had to work towards giving him that.

She'd build up a wall so high the day her mother died. She never wanted to feel such an ache inside her heart ever again. So she never let anyone close enough to hurt her. Always pulled back and hurt them first – didn't dare let them crawl beneath her fingernails and course through her veins and stain her bones like Castle had. He was different, had always been different since day one.

He came into her life like a hurricane, and despite his meddling tendencies and his childlike behaviour – she'd fallen for him. Fallen for the kind soul with the bright blue eyes who always had such a dopey grin etched across his face that did so many wondrous things to her. He cared for her – saw beyond the pain and broken girl she saw herself as, and he invited her into his home more than once – tried to make her feel like she was a part of his family. He'd become her partner and her best friend, and there was nobody she wanted more by her side than him.

She fooled herself when she had been with Josh. Fooled herself to believe she felt nothing for Castle. But no matter how many times she tried to deny her feelings and shove them aside, her heart only ever beat as fast as it did when the writer was in her presence.

She'd finally felt like she was almost there – so close that she couldn't help the more flirting she did or the fact that any chance she could she'd intertwine their fingertips with one another and give him a dazzling smile that only he could ever pull from her.

But he was so distant with her lately that she couldn't help but wonder if he had grown tired of waiting. That maybe he didn't want to wait around for some broken bird and wanted something so much simpler and easy. It makes her heart ache and the scar between her breasts pull – because had she really lost her chance with him? Had she taken too long in trying to recover that he'd grown so tired and the love inside of him had died out just like she almost had that fateful day of Montgomery's funeral?

* * *

She's in the breakroom, standing in front of the expensive espresso machine Castle had brought what seemed like forever ago now, and her chest can't help but ache, the saddest of smiles stretching across her lips. Because she misses him – as stupid as it may be. It's only been a couple days since she last saw him, but even when he had been here; it still never felt like he was fully with it.

She just wanted her partner back.

A sigh falls from her lips, brows pulling together as her tongue slips out, sweeping across her bottom lip as she works the machine and does her best to pull together a decent coffee. She really does need to learn how to make a decent cup, ever since Castle came along and started bringing her, her coffee every single day – she's barely even used this machine, barely even made herself a cup of coffee.

"Ah, Katherine, darling, there you are!" Martha's chirpy voice startles Kate and she tips the ceramic mug forwards, it clashing against the machine as hot liquid spills out each side and Kate's hand pull back just in time before the liquid can stain her skin and leave red longing marks.

"Martha, hi!" Kate gets out a little breathlessly as her hand comes to her chest, the other gripping the edge of the counter as she turns to the red head, lets the edges of her lips curl into a somewhat smile.

"Oh, I'm sorry, darling! Didn't mean to scare you. You weren't at your desk, so I just assumed you'd be in here or interrogating a suspect."

Kate waves off her hand, turns back to the small mess she's made and starts cleaning it up. "No, no, you're fine, Martha. It's a paperwork kinda day." She shrugs, starts filling her cup up with a fresh brew. "Castle's not here, you know? He usually skips out on these kinda days." _And most days lately_.

"I know, he's back at the loft. It's actually you I wanted to talk too."

Kate's brow raises, gaze tearing away from the machine to land on Martha as her brows pull together, head titling to the side slightly. "Me? What did you want to talk about?"

"I wanted to talk about Richard."

Kate's pulse can't help but quicken, lips parting slightly as her brows pull together and her head turns back to the machine, a small lump starting to form in the middle of her throat. "Oh? What about?" She asks nonchalantly, despite the fact that her insides are firing up and her gaze is now burning into the front of the steaming coffee mug still stuck in the machine.

"Well, I don't know if it's been a surprise to you lately that he's been a little, well… less himself."

Kate swallows, teeth slowly digging into her bottom lip as she turns back to face Martha, and she can't help herself from speaking. It's been bothering her that he's been off, and she wasn't sure if she was just being paranoid or not – but if his mother, the woman who lived with him, had noticed he was off – then maybe she knew what was going on with him. "Is everything okay with him? He's been so… distant lately." Her brows pull together, furrowing more at herself than anything.

"Why don't we sit down." Martha nods to the table off towards the side and Kate nods, abandons the cup of coffee she's just made to sit in front of Martha at the table.

"It's not something serious, is it?" Kate asks, fingers coming together to rest atop of the table.

"You care about him, don't you?" There's a twitch of a smile playing upon Martha's face as she looks over at Kate, and Kate's brows only pull together more, confusion weeping across her face.

"Of course, I care about him. He's my partner."

"But that's not all he is to you, now is he?" Martha's brow raises and Kate's pulse skips a beat, the organ starting to thump beneath the cage of her ribs as heat starts to rise across her cheeks and the sides of her neck, travelling up to her ears. "I'll take that as a yes then." A smirk creases the red head's face and Kate's gaze glances down, another lump forming in the middle of her throat.

"Look, kiddo. I know it's not my place – and that this is between you and Richard, but you two are terrible at communicating and I can't stand back and watch my son look so miserable. Which, by the looks of it – you look just as miserable without him around, as he does without you."

Kate's head shakes slightly as she lets out a breath, does her best to slow down her heart rate. "He's – miserable? Why is he so miserable, Martha? What's going on with him?" She looks up at the woman, brows pulled into a furrow. "I feel like I've done something to upset him because he won't even look at me anymore – doesn't want to be around the precinct, and I…" Kate's head shakes hand lifting to run through her hair.

"You really don't have any idea?"

Kate shakes her head, only looks over at the other in more confusion.

"Darling, he overheard you interrogating a suspect in that bombing case a few weeks back."

"Okay?" Her brows pull together as she tries to think back to what exactly he could've overheard. She goes over that case from beginning to end – scrapes over all the people she interrogated and she struggles to think what could've been _so_ important that Castle could've overheard that'd make him look like a kicked puppy and want to avoid her at all costs.

Martha sits silently for a while, waits to see if it'll dawn on Kate – and when it's clear it's not, a sigh falls from her lips as she responds. "He said that you remember everything from your shooting."

Her mouth goes dry, the beating of her heart becoming a deafening sound that rings in her ears. _He had heard?_ Now it's all coming back to her. She'd been interrogating Bobby Lopez, told him that she remembered everything about the day she'd been shot – had told him in hopes he'd come clean. But he hadn't, and when she exited the box there had been a fresh steaming cup of coffee on her desk – but her partner nowhere in sight.

"He – he heard?" It comes out more strained than she intended as she looks over at Martha.

"He seems to have gotten into his head that you not telling him you remember the shooting is your way of being embarrassed of what he feels for you, because you don't feel the same way." Martha pauses only briefly, raises her hand to stop Kate from jumping in as she sees the woman's eyes widen and her lips part to speak. "But I've seen the way you are around him, and the way you look at him. Your eyes light up whenever my boy is around – no matter how crazy or foolish the words that spill from his mouth are."

Martha reaches across the small table to take Kate's hands in her own and Kate only stares over at her, her pulse still pounding rapidly beneath the cage of her ribs.

How could Castle _ever_ think she didn't feel the same way? Sure, the talk they had on the swings that day hadn't been the clearest – but she had implied, pretty much indicated that if they were going to have the relationship they both deserved – she had to be so much better than she was now. That her walls had to come down before they bared their heart and soul to one another.

Her head shakes as she swallows, squeezing Martha's hands back. "I thought – We had this ..." Her head shakes again, at such a loss for words as her eyes fall closed, teeth digging into her bottom lip as her chest rises. "How could he think I'd _ever_ be embarrassed…" She mumbles quietly.

"Whatever your reason was for lying to him about what you remember… that's between you and Richard, something you two should discuss. You don't need to talk about it with me. But, there is one thing I would like to now…" Martha squeezes Kate's hands and her eyes open, land on the red head and her head nods, teeth digging into her bottom lip further.

"Do you love my son?

Kate's gaze falls to their hands, a breath falling from her lips as her pulse pounds, tears beginning to emerge and burn around the rims of her lids. "I … Yes. I love him. I love him a lot, Martha." She pauses, the words sounding so foreign on her lips. She loved him, had fallen in love with him so long ago and had suppressed her feelings for him for so long, that it took her so long to accept she felt something so deep and strong for him. She'd talked to Dr. Burke all about what she felt for Castle, but not once had the word love graced her lips. But the second it fell from her lips, a weight she didn't know she had been carrying on her shoulders seemed to fall and her heart ached and beat in such a way that was both painful and satisfying.

"I love him more than anything – god, I – so much that it kills me and I – I just wanted to do this right, Martha. But I screwed it up, didn't I? Made him think that I didn't feel the same way when all…" Her head lifts, words trailing off as tears threaten to fall with each blink and shake of her head. Her teeth are sinking into her bottom lip as her gaze tears away from Martha, only to land on a tall figure in the door way and as she blinks through the tears blurring her vision, none other than Castle comes into her line of sight.

"Cas – Castle?" His name falls from her lips so breathlessly, the colour draining from her face as her hands slip from Martha's and the pounding in her chest gets too much, her scar starting to pull that all she wants to do is press her fingernails to the flesh and claw at it till she feels so much lighter and free.

"How long – how long have you been standing there?"

He looks dazed, a mixture of content and misery laced across his features and she can see the water that's rimming his eyelids and the way his hands hang down by his sides rather than in fists.

He's just staring at her, unable to move or even blink and Martha watches the pair, rises to her feet as she clears her throat. "I think I should go… you two clearly have a lot to talk about."

Martha squeezes Kate's arm, gives the girl a comforting smile before moving towards her son, whispering something in his ear that Kate can't quite make out, though she's not sure Castle's even listening to his mother, his gaze is still so transfixed on her.

"Castle, will you please say something." She says after what seems like an eternity after his mother has left.

"You love me?"

Her head nods as she swallows the lump in her throat, gaze darting to the ground as her pulse continues to pound.

She doesn't expect him to come closer, and can't help the slight gasp that falls from her lips when his feet knock into hers and his hands grip her arms, forcing her to look up at him.

She can see his chest rising, is sure she can hear the beating of his heart over hers.

"Why did you lie to me, Kate?" His head shakes in the slightest, brows pulling together as he speaks so softly to her – more softer than he's spoken in a while.

"I couldn't… I couldn't deal with that day, Castle. Every time I tried to think about it I froze up… sent myself into a panic attack. You told me you loved me – but so much else happened that day that I couldn't even come to terms with what you felt for me because the pain of being shot overshadowed it." Her chest rises, his hands still gripping the sides of her arms but loosening, and he says nothing, only continues to stare down at her, so Kate keeps going – knows if she's going to fix this mess between them she needs to be blatantly honest with him.

"I've been seeing a therapist… been trying to get better so that I can… be better for you." Her brows pull together, gaze falling to his chest.

Castle's brows pull together, his hands traveling up her arms to cup her cheeks and pull her head up to face him. "Be better for me? Kate… you're already perfect for me."

Her head shakes, and her hands come to cover his, pulling them away from her face as she takes a step back. "I'm a mess, Rick. I've been a mess since my mom died and I meant what I said back on those swings – that I built up a wall and won't be able to have the kind of relationship I want till those walls come down. You've gotten further than anyone has in tearing those walls down, and I don't want anyone but you tearing them down – but I also have to get better – stop being so driven and consumed by my mom's death because it ruined me, Rick. It ruined me and I don't want to ruin you, and I will. I'll ruin you if I don't fix myself."

He steps back towards her, head shaking slightly. "Kate… you have to stop viewing yourself as damaged goods. As some lost and broken little girl because you are so much more than that. What you do every single day – all the people you help, god – your mom would be so proud of you Kate. I'm proud of you." He steps forwards, reaching out for her once more, his hands coming to cup her cheeks. "You might be ruined… but everyone's ruined. Hell, I'm ruined. Nobody's perfect Kate."

"I thought you just said I was already perfect?" She quips, brow arching slightly – tries to soften the tension in the room, and it earns her the smallest of smirks from Castle, his head shaking as he continues.

"We spend our entire lives trying to fix all the damage that's been done. But it'll never be fixed, at least not fully. And you – you can't fix –" He stutters, stumbles as his brows pull together, a small grunt falling from his lips that has Kate raising her hand to rest atop of his on her cheek.

"You love me, and I love you – and god damn it, Kate, you don't get to put that on hold because you're afraid of ruining me." She opens her mouth to speak, but before she can – he cuts her off, closes the gap between them and presses his lips against hers, hard.

Something ignites inside of her, everything from butterflies to fireworks and her fingers curl into the back of his hand as she presses her mouth back against his, their lips working in perfect unison as the flesh of their lips begin to bruise one another.

It's so much more than the kiss they shared undercover, unlike anything she's ever felt before and she knew the first time she felt his lips against her own she was hooked – but now, now she was a goner.

Kate feels her back hit the edge of the counter, feels the need to take a breath before she becomes dizzy and she pulls back from Castle, lips swollen and red as her eyes remain closed and her chest heaves, her free hand gripping his side and curling into the fabric of his suit jacket.

"We're incredible, Kate. We could be incredible if you'd stop fighting it and just give us a chance." His forehead presses against hers, his thumbs starting to slowly brush back and forth against the bones of her cheeks.

"But, Cast-"

"No buts, Kate." His head shakes, thumb coming down to smooth across her still tingling lower lip. "No more. No more fighting this dance we've been playing around each other, because there's no way in hell I'm letting you go. Not now that I know how you feel, because in case you haven't noticed – I'm miserable without you, Kate. So, miserable."

A sigh falls from her lips, hand leaving his to cup the side of his face, her thumb brushing under his eye as their eyes lock. "The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you, Castle. I never wanted you to think that I didn't feel the same." His head shakes, lips dusting against the edge of her mouth.

"Enough. It's done with. I'm tired – so tired and I need you, Kate, and you need me." His hands drop from her face to wrap around her waist, pulling her body into his as his forehead presses back against hers once more, his hands traveling up her back. "If you're going to ruin me – if you're going to fix yourself – then I'm right by your side, I'm not going anywhere – I won't let you."

The edges of her lips twitch, tears threatening to spill down her face. Because what did she do to deserve this man?

She fills the small gap between them once more, lets her lips press against his so much softer this time – because everything seems to make more sense when his lips are against hers; filling all the broken cracks on her body with so much light

"Say it, again. Say it to me, Kate." He murmurs against her lips as her hand slides up into his hair, the other coming to cup the other side of his cheek as she dusts her lips against his once more before pulling back to look into his eyes.

"I love you, Rick."


End file.
